When you have a daughter, typically around the age of eight or nine, the make-up question looms. And, like most parenting issues I find that not taking an extreme stance is the most workable approach. We all remember the kid who wasn’t allowed to watch TV, who spent playdates jammed up against a screen, any screen, unable to socialise. And getting all Zadie Smith about make-up is not terribly helpful either.
I often feel a bit ‘Oh do come on’ about women who don’t wear make-up as a badge of honour and force the issue onto others. It’s so reductive to equate lack of intellect with an interest in one’s appearance. Spoiler alert: you can enjoy a blazing fuchsia lip and hold a lively conversation on geopolitics. And if you let your pre-teen wear eyeshadow, she isn’t going to flunk out of school and dedicate herself to the search for a rich boyfriend.
Obviously, balance is the key here. Clearly too long spent fixating on eyeliner and contouring is not a productive state of affairs. But if this is happening, there may be other parenting concerns at play. For young girls particularly, there’s a difference between playful dress-up and self-expression, and using make-up to look “better” or more appealing. Little girls often want to use make-up for the former, but as parents we sexualise it and attach meaning it doesn’t deserve.
I’ve been known to pop to the shops with my eight-year-old daughter wearing garish rainbow glitter eyelids, haphazardly applied with her smudgy fingers. It’s the make-up equivalent of letting your child choose their own outfit and having to walk around in public next to what looks a walking toddler painting. But doing this means I’ve done the greater thing and nurtured her self-esteem by not admonishing her and telling her to take it off before we go out, and I’ve encouraged her creativity and that trumps the embarrassment (mostly).
What comes from allowing a child, girl or boy, to play with their appearance, without judgement or unsought guidance, is confidence. When the singer Pink recently gave a speech at the MTV VMA’s applauding her young daughter for her individuality, she reiterated too that taking pride in the external and expressing ourselves through it is to be celebrated, rather than see as frivolous or stupid. To that point, I bet David Bowie never told his young daughter to stop playing with silly make-up and read a book, as though these two things have any opposing relationship at all.
Admittedly the tweeny make-up waters are trickier to navigate. Suddenly there is a hormonal pressure to fall in line with your peers. Make-up here can be friend and foe. It can become a mask, not a joy. Young girls often take their cues from their mother’s approach to their own make-up bag. So if you daren’t leave the house without wearing foundation, then yes, your daughter is likely going to come to similarly rely on make-up.
I love to experiment with make-up, and I show my daughter this when she sees me relishing getting ready to go out, piling on the highlighter and accentuating my brows. Indeed, when I’m just nipping to the local Tesco’s, I may add a great flush of pink to my cheeks just for fun – but she also sees me perfectly happy and mascara-free in public.
This is crucial for giving the cues that make-up is an embellishment to be enjoyed not slavishly adhered to. To that end, formalised beautifying should be avoided – mother and daughter nail appointments, blowdries and the like build horribly unrealistic ideals for immature minds. Instead spend time together having fun. But if the whim takes you, do it with matching cherry lip gloss.
Tweeny Make-Up Tips
- Steer them at the first sign of blemishes to a treatment spot cover up such as La Roche Posay Effaclar Duo, £16.50. This should stop the vicious circle of wearing heavy foundation to cover spots and creating more blemishes in the process.
- Just because they’re young they don’t have to make do with make-up that is hard to apply, clichéd girlie and has cheap textures. Start to nurture a sense of fun with products that wear well and have cool, positive vibes. Milk and Glossier are worth a good look.
- If your young pre-teen is super keen for her own make-up start with tinted balms that can be used on the lips and cheeks. Maybelline Baby Lips range is affordable and versatile.
- Pop a blending sponge in your tweens next Christmas stocking. She’ll never have to suffer the tidemark of foundation and you’ll avoid having to bite your tongue at her gauche application techniques. Try Real Techniques Miracle Complexion Sponge, £5.99.
[“Source-telegraph”]